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The Sims 3 Relationships Guide

Introduction: Relationship Stages and Conversation Tones

Relationships GuideBuilding FriendshipsSocial InteractionsRomantic RelationsRomantic InteractionsTraits in Conversation
Sims 3 Relationships Guide

The Sims 3 features multiple relationship levels that define how Sims view friendships, romance, and family. In this guide to relationship levels, we'll learn about the various stages of a relationship and how you can make a Sim find a boyfriend or girlfriend, fall in love, get engaged, or have a wedding and get married. The Sims is not all about romance, of course, so we'll also be shining a light on the levels of friendship.

This relationship guide applies universally to the Sims 3. Whether you're playing the PC/Mac versions, or the Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, or DS ports, you'll find this guide helpful. Even with the computer versions' expansions, nothing drastically changes about the way relationships and the various friend levels work. You just get more options on how conversations are carried out, and the interactions Sims can perform.

Relationship Levels in The Sims 3
Let's talk about the various levels of like, or hate, the Sims 3 offers. All Sims start out as Strangers, but upon interacting will be Acquaintances. From there, the bar can move either right, to the positive, or left, into the red. At various levels the Sims' relationship status will change. Note that if your Sim doesn't interact with another for a time their relationship will start to decay. Even families need to interact with one another from time to time to maintain a good relationship. However, old friends and family are easy relationships to recover.

When speaking in terms of numbers, look at the positive side of a Sim's relationship bar. Best friends begins at 80-90, or 80-90% of the bar. The numbers here are estimates, but will give you a good idea where you'll need to be. Note that the stronger a relationship is, the more options a Sim will have while visiting without being Inappropriate.

  • Friendships: Friendships are the most basic measurement. At 40-50%, Sims will become Friends, 60 makes them Good Friends, and around 90 they are your Sim's Best Friend. . Teenagers can ask a Good Friend to be their Best Friend Forever (BFF). Any friendships that stand the test of time can eventually move up to Old Friend status. Old friendships can be recovered quite easily.
  • Enemies: As I said above, Sims don't have to be only Friends or Acquaintances. They can also come to hate one another. At -20, Sims become Disliked. At any point that the Sims' relationship has dived below zero, they can Declare Nemesis and become Enemies. Like Friendships, adversity can go on for a long time, and these Adversaries can become Old Enemies.
  • Romance: Romance progresses just as you'd expect. If your Sim has kissed or used other heavy romantic interactions on another Sim, and their relationship bar is in the positive, they'll become a Romantic Interest. At any point that your Sim can pull off the Propose Going Steady Social Interaction, they can become a Girlfriend or Boyfriend (Partner). From there, you can Propose Marriage to make the Sim your Fiancee. Once the wedding is performed, they finally become Husband and Wife.
  • Break-Ups and Divorces: can both occur in The Sims 3. Either of these interactions is available through the Mean category when things have been going sour. This is essential to the Heartbreaker Lifetime Wish. Sims that have become estranged this way will become an Ex Girlfriend, Boyfriend, Husband, or Wife..

Social Interactions and Conversations
Social Interactions can bring about various moods to a conversation. This dynamic of the Sims 3's socializing system allows us to see how our Sim's interactions are being taken, and their impact on the other Sim's feelings. These stages are crucial to certain facets of building relationships. See the various sections of this Relationship Guide to learn more about that type of conversation . Some interactions only unlock once a Sim has reached a certain stage in a relationship, while the success rate may also be determined by how the Sims are interacting. Overall the conversation tone is a large indicator for what options you'll have. Being hilarious will give you every joke option, and being extremely irresistible in romance will enable powerful options like going steady and proposing marriage.

Here are the various tones a Sim in a conversation can have, in order of magnitude:

Friendly Context: OK, Sociable, Friendly, Amusing, Funny, Hilarious. Compliments and the like will affect these, good conversation and jokes as well. It's one thing to chat, but Sims can really form bonds with a deep conversation.

Romantic Moods: Flirty, Alluring, Extremely Irresistible. These are pretty much all found under the Romantic section of the Social Interactions interface. Try to keep things from moving too fast early on!

Boring: Other sims can find yours boring. Don't repeat those social interactions too many times, unless you have the Never Dull Lifetime Reward or your Sim has the Charismatic trait.

Not so Hot: Odd, Awkward, Creepy, Very Awkward. Certain interactions can cause this. Sims with no sense of humor will show evidence of these, and if you try romantic interactions too early in a relationship you'll also see these.

Angry: Impolite, Rude, Unforgivably Rude. Use a Smooth Recovery or Apologize to get the conversation back on track. Unless your Sim is wicked, that is. Some of them just like to start fights!

Share Tips and FAQs (45)

Our Sims Forum is the place to go for faster answers to questions and discussions about the game. Use the form below to share your own experiences and provide helpful tips to other readers.

Aiden says...
So i had a lesbian sim couple. One of them caught on fire and died and then our cat resurrected her and now their ex-girlfriends. Ive been trying to get them to date again, but it wont work. Does anybody know how i can get them back together again?
6th August 2014 3:14pm
Rebecca says...
if you do ctrl alt C, type in testingcheatsenabled true. then, go to your relationships, shift click on the bar under the ex-girlfriend and move all the way to the right. this will at least make them best friends. you can then "flirt" and move the relationship forward
8th October 2015 11:48am
Tanya says...
I've looking to see if you mention that, if you wish, you can make your Sims gay. Are you trying to hide the fact that Sims start off as basically bisexual, or have I missed a mention of homosexuality somewhere on this website?
19th September 2013 9:49pm
john says...
It never said you should make them straight either. In fact it even says "At any point that your Sim can pull off the Propose Going Steady Social Interaction, they can become a Girlfriend or Boyfriend (Partner)." Not "your sim has to be a boy to have a girlfriend". Anyway if you know that they can be gay why do you have to have them explicitly mention it?
22nd June 2014 2:15pm
Sarah says...
I made sims who were boyfriend/girlfriend, but the girlfriend died. I ended up bringing her back to life with ambrosia, but their relationship status is stuck at ex now. They're still friendly and do a lot of romantic options automatically, but I guess they can never get married now?
18th March 2014 8:25pm
Metanni says...
Well hello friends, my Sims name is Metanni, and she had a slight crush on another sim and they dated, and they flirted, and they were almost up to alluring. But on a date he invited her to, I tried to flirt with him to make them more than friends, But he denied, and when I waved over him face in relationships, He had a girlfriend.
But when I asked him the first time if he was in a relationship, he said no.

And I'm probs taking this too seriously,
but I really want her to have a family!

Anyway to regain his affections?
Have Metanni become best friends with the boy and eventually the option for him to break up with his girlfriend will become an option. Another possibility would be to use only friendly actions until she has the option to invite him to move in. Then you will control him as well as Metanni and can have him dump his girlfriend.
4th July 2013 4:05am
Jordyn says...
That happend too to me what I did was invite her over put walls up lock the doors for house hold only after a few days I went on a date/outing with him I asked to be more than friends he said "you know what your right things are over between me and ___ will you be my girlfriend" and that's what happend hehe I kidnapped her but then I let her go I suggest doing that!
24th June 2014 2:49am
Em says...
<y two sims are a 'romantic interest' they moved in and shes pregnant with his kid. Iv been through all the romantic suggestions and theres no 'propose going steady' whats wrong?? I already checked if hes single and he is!!
Have you had them both try the interactions and it's not there?
22nd July 2013 3:25pm
Kaelee says...
I also had this problem many times and can’t fix it(I tried using the other sim as well)
3rd July 2018 3:14pm
Rose says...
how do you divorce? i don't want to cheat in order for it to work but is there an option?
31st May 2014 11:49pm
Von says...
Yes, you can divorce without cheats. You need to have your Sims perform negative interaction(arguing, etc) in order to drive the relationship down. The choose Mean> Break Up.
19th June 2014 10:56pm
Courtney says...
I have a teen sim (male) and I have been trying to get him into the romantic interest stage with this teen girl, I pressed the confess attraction button but nothing happens, can someone help me
22nd March 2014 11:35pm
empire says...
When my sim was a teenager, she used to date this guy, but she became an young adult before him and they couldn't even go on a date together, so I broke up with him. Now they're both adults and he appears as her ex, but I have been going out with him since he became a young adult too. They've done everything a couple could do, I've confessed my attraction for him, but I can't propose to him at all. Not even the option of asking him to move in appears. Can anyone help me? I really want my sim to have a family and I think I'm just wasting my time. I'm gonna end up looking for another sim.
31st May 2014 11:23pm
Chrissie says...
Hello. I'm playing Yolanda Lemmon from Starlight Shores and I would like to know how to basically 'reset' her relationship. She's a widow to 'Jimmy Lemmon' and he's deceased according to SimWiki. I'd like to be able to have her get married to someone new but I dont know how to break her current relationship. I do play with Mods (Nraas) and haven't found a solution. I've searched every inch of her house for an urn and he's not in the graveyard. Does anyone have an idea for me? I'm having fun with her but she can't get married if she's a widow...I'm stumped.
22nd May 2014 6:13am
Ash says...
Go to the graveyard and press the building. It should say get remains.
16th June 2014 5:58pm
Mari says...
Okay so I have a MOD where Sims can shoot each other with a gun. Well I started off with 4 Sims and a cat, my one sim shot two of the others. The third housemate was terrified of the guy with the gun.

A little bit later I had the murderer apologize and I tried to improve the relationship between the two. Didn't work, either one or the other got bored and decreased the relationship [how I don't know it's at -100].

I tried to have them talk, then left the two alone to take care of the cat only to come back and find them fighting. To be honest it could be conflicting traits [Evil vs Good] so I don't know.

I then had the idea for them to play video games, so both are in front of the TV right now. I go and look at the relationship bar and it says -99.

This wasn't really a ask for help. I just wanted to say,

Video games do improve relationships, just maybe not in real life for a small part :3
4th August 2017 12:22am
Jon says...
I have a young adult girl sim , I want her to date a teen boy but she doesn't have any romantic social options at all. Help Help please
15th November 2013 8:54am
Alysha says...
You cannot start a romance with somebody younger.
Teens have romantic options with other teens, but not with adults or young adults.
But I have found that if your 'Young Adult' woman and your male teen (or which ever) were previously dating whilst both were teens, you still have the romance option even if only one ages.
23rd November 2013 1:27am
Callista says...
Young adults and teens can't form romantic relationships. You'd have to wait for the teen to age up into a young adult or use a cheat before they could form a romantic connection. Hope this helps.
9th February 2014 9:33pm
Rebecca says...
A robber broke into my house and my bloke spoke to her now she's on his relastionship/friends list. My bloke has the thing where even if people don't speak there still friends, so is there any way to remove off the list or is she gonna be stuck on there.
They're relationship would have to reach a point of just 0 for her to be gone.
28th July 2013 8:11am
deanna says...
My girl sim started talkin to a random sim they became romantic interests had a baby but it wont let me move him in or become partners or marry. Hes sing a hopeless romantic and it says hesvthe father of my kid in my relations but he doesnt help with kid at all how do I change this
11th July 2014 5:55pm
Kitty Cat says...
They have to become boyfriend and girlfriend first (propose going steady) and then they can get married and move in. Hope this helped!
14th April 2018 11:37am
AJ says...
How do I do the smooth recovery?
1st August 2014 5:26pm
ScarCruz says...
Your sim needs to have at least level five or seven Charisma skill to get the smooth recovery option in friendly interactions.
13th September 2015 5:59am
MadDoctor says...
My sim child had a best friend with great traits. I was looking forward to them marrying someday. The trouble started when she aged up a few days before before he did. With nrass Story Progression, she got a part-time job and a boyfriend. She was still best friends with my sim and responded favourably to romantic overtures when I finally got them together (part-time job and school), but she was tired and had to leave. Next time they were together, he accused her of cheating and slapped her. Their relationship went down the toilet. I can't keep them together long enough to fix the relationship and get her to drop her boyfriend.
11th December 2017 1:57pm
Tavia says...
My sim and her partner are on romantic interests but when I try to get him to come over he will say sure than say something came up and he do this all the time now I think I may have did something I dont know what to do
27th May 2018 2:20pm
Playalot says...
You just need to keep trying or invite them to a different lot at various times of the day.
29th May 2018 5:47pm
Allison says...
I need help! I wanted to start a family with my Sims, but I can't get them to be romantic interests. They're both adults, they live together, and they're old friends. I think I need to get them back to best friends, but I have no I tea how to do that. Is there any way to get them to be best friends again so they can date?
14th August 2014 8:25pm
ellie says...
this is for sims 4

whenever my ex husband and wife see each other even though they both got remarried it suggests romantic interactions for both of them they have two twin daughters and a son so there kids visit him.
9th August 2018 7:57am
Playalot says...
We have a sims 4 guide so please visit there to comment or ask game play questions for The Sims 4
11th August 2018 11:22pm
basharat says...
30th November 2015 3:26am
AAB says...
My sims took the young again potion as well as the age freeze potion, and then had kids who grew up and now that those are young adults too, they lost their kids as relationships and have become friends instead of mother or father... Is there a way to fix that?
30th November 2015 7:59pm
Haley says...
I have twin brothers and they keep wishing to become bffs but their friend bar is maxed and it still says they're brothers. Can they become bffs officially? And how if so ??
6th July 2017 8:56pm
Playalot says...
It is an option under friendly Socials that will appear when they have been at maxed friendship for long enough.
9th July 2017 11:47pm
sophie says...
need help!!! my Sim has a fiancee, and he calls up and invites her over to his place how do i get there? I've selected the I'll come over option, then the call finishes and nothing happens I've looked on town map but he doesn't come show up their.....1 of my Sims wishes is to stay over at his house so how do i get their?? I'm playing on a x-box 360 and not used to it. in past I've always played Sim's 3 on PC
28th October 2013 6:13am
Lois says...
If my sim is divorced and is an ex where does he take his new girlfriend to whoo if he still is living in the same house..I have tried to take them on dates around town, but there is nowhere to whoo??
18th August 2013 3:48pm
kity says...
Can you get other sims out of relationships?(when their married)
3rd August 2013 12:56am
Katie says...
My sims are married and i have had a baby and everything but now they arenstarting to feel creeped out about each other. I tried to get them to kiss but they both reject!
13th May 2013 3:14am
binah06 says...
Are they tired? Once my sim`s boyfriend rejected my sim`s kiss when he was tired.
16th May 2013 10:56am
Mariah Hart says...
Ok so my sim was dating a guy and he left town without a word and now she's starting a new relationship and it says to "confess to cheating". I'm playing the sims 3 paranormal expansion pack.
1st September 2017 10:01pm
Playalot says...
Yeah, that's because the game thinks your sim is still in a relationship with the 1st sim. Try deleting the cache files, it may clear that issue up now that the 1st sim has basically been deleted.
2nd September 2017 8:03pm
Chris says...
Anytime my sim, interacts with his fiancé, at the very end of the interaction, he resets and the whole thing basically didn't happen. For example, in order to even get engaged, she had to purpose because anytime he would, they would go through the whole thing with the bend down to one knee, pull out the ring and put it on her then hug but at the last second, he would reset and they remained just bf/gf. But if she initiates it, it sticks. That goes for any and all interactions between the two and it's just with her. He can talk to anyone else in the game.
14th July 2017 12:42pm
Playalot says...
Try resetting your sim also once you have quit out of your game delete the cache files before playing again.
14th July 2017 7:03pm
Serian says...
So my girl Risa was "going steady" with her roomie and then I switched houses for awhile. Risa started dating someone else and ended up having his kids. Now when I switch back to Risa and her roomie, they are ex-gf/bf. How do I get them back together again? This is the couple I want together so I can have them marry. I can't currently control her roomie cuz I accidentally had him become roomie instead of move in. They are nearly best friends and have tons of romantic options...but not anything remotely of going steady or proposing.
16th May 2019 3:45pm
Playalot says...
It could just be timing, it can take quite a while for ex bf/gf sims to get those options back again. Just keep up with the romantic interactions and the option to go steady should appear again eventually.
18th May 2019 11:35pm
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